First of all, can I just say you all are my favorite people ever. I mean, wow. From comments, to emails, to texts, those of you who reached out to my after my last post truly made my day.
I cannot tell you how much your words mean to me. So thank you! Now, on to today’s post…
This is a tough time of year, especially with little ones. You’re already stressed, exhausted and overwhelmed just from living life. And now, you have to plan a huge meal that should be delicious and mirror what your great-grandmother used to do, with all natural, health conscious ingredients but also taste like you used a bucket of lard. As well as host your family, keep your children mildly sane amidst the chaos, and ensure DEFCON 5 isn’t released on your marriage. All while wearing a carefree, I-don’t-mind-cleaning-up-your-dried-toothpaste smile.
So, in an effort to assist all my fellow mothers, hosts, and planners, I thought I’d put together a comprehensive To Do list to help you survive this Thanksgiving.
Three Weeks Before – Plan recipes
Pretend to be annoyed at the over purchase of Halloween candy your husband made but consume one piece every hour behind your toddler’s back, simply because you can. Thanksgiving is nowhere on your radar.
Two Weeks Before – Reserve fresh turkey from local grocer
Still eating Halloween candy, glance at a calendar and assume you’re just exhausted and, as usual, have no clue what day it is. There’s no way Thanksgiving is two weeks away. Halloween was just yesterday! Oh November calendar, you’re so silly.
One Week Before – Prepare grocery list and make first trip
Sit down to research Thanksgiving Preparation To Do lists to see what other people are doing to prep for their big day. You’re feeling like super mom right now, it’s one week away and you’ve already starting preparing. This Thanksgiving is going to be perfection.
At 5:00pm sharp I’ll set a golden brown 20lb bird down on the center of my gorgeously decorated table with matching place settings, fresh flowers, and little DIY place card for each guest. I may even run in that local Turkey Trot to start the day off right. That would be such a fun family tradition. We’re starting that this year. 5k Thanksgiving morning, woo-hoo family time!
You stumble across Martha Stewart’s thanksgiving prep list. This is perfect! With Martha’s list, and your advanced preparation, you’ll out Martha, Martha! This year is going to be fantastic!
Notice that the first to do on Martha’s list starts with two weeks in advance. You’re already a week behind.
Whatever, Martha is so extra.
3 to 4 Days Before – Cube bread for stuffing
Thanksgiving is this week?! (profanity) Scurry to the grocery store with half an idea about what to make for Thanksgiving in your head. Potatoes, cranberries, some bread for something, and marshmallows, can’t remember why but know they’re necessary.
Load up the groceries, pack up the kids, and drive halfway home. Turn around and head back to the grocery store. Forgot the turkey. (profanity)
2 Days Before – prepare Cabernet Cranberries and Mashed Potatoes
Go back to the grocery store for the 8 ingredients you forgot yesterday, and for more wine because you drank the bottle of Cabernet for the cranberries last night.
1 Day Before – Chop veggies and organize list for tomorrow
Head back to the grocery store. Damn that Cabernet.
Morning of – Run 5k. Prepare side dishes
5ks are stupid. Who wants to go running on Thanksgiving?
Look at sides, but decide to drink coffee and watch the Macy’s Parade instead.
4 Hours Before – Roast turkey, prepare the table
Throw turkey in the oven. Pour yourself a glass of wine. Look at your dinning table. Who needs fresh flowers? Toss a couple battery operated votive candles on the table and call it “simple chic”.
1 Hour Before – Remove turkey, heat any sides
Check turkey, still cold. Check oven. Turn oven on (profanity). Greet your guests and put some stale crackers and goldfish on the table, they’re going to be hungry for a while.
During the Meal – Warm pies in the oven
What pies? Was I supposed to make pies?
Call your mom crying, asking how she ever did it all. Hear your mom cackle laugh on the other side of the line, and then she hangs up. Weep quietly to yourself in the corner of your bathroom with a sleeve of Oreos and glass of wine. This is everything Thanksgiving is supposed to be. This is perfection.
Not based on actual life events, yet.
Just in case you all wanted an excuse to have copious amounts of wine this Thanksgiving week, here is that recipe for Cabernet Cranberries. Yes, the recipe only calls for one cup, but you’ll need the entire bottle. You have to test the wine to ensure it’s not poison.
Thanks for visiting, and Happy Thanksgiving!